When You are Leaving Me

after Dylan Thomas’ “Do Not Go Gentle”

When you are leaving me, my gentle brother dear
Tread large and loud with sounds for all to know
Weep, weep filled with storms of sorrow as you disappear

While some shall say your time for going now is here
I will beg to differ that they cannot tell me that it is so
When you are leaving me, my gentle brother dear

All meaning well will say your rest is overdue I fear
But in this instance friends will be as wrong as any foe
Weep weep, filled with storms of sorrow as you disappear

The best of you I still need to hold beside me very dear
As I learn way too late the things to you I never got to show
Weep, weep filled with storms of sorrow as you disappear

Now as I lose you so many things are at last becoming clear
And I wish for time enough to love you more but feel so awfully low
Weep, weep filled with storms of sorrow as you disappear

My brother set to sail away from me and my corporeal near
Safe voyage to where-ever it is that now the fates decree you go
When you are leaving me, my gentle brother dear
Weep, weep filled with storms of sorrow as you disappear

S.E.Ingraham©

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16 thoughts on “When You are Leaving Me

  1. Wow – I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to get back here and read comments – where does the time go, it feels like it’s evaporating. Thanks to all of you for coming, reading and of course, commenting. The villanelle is a form I quite like but one I struggle with and with which I am never quite satisfied … I know I will be re-writing this more before I do anything else with it but am happy to have all the input from so many of you. Thanks again.

  2. The villanelle is one of the most difficult of forms to pull off, but if one gets it right, the effect is emotionally powerful. Here, your authentic feelings ring true, and submerge the reader in its abject expressiveness.

  3. A lump in my throat as I read this…as I thought of my own two dear brothers..can’t bear to think of saying goodbye to them. Such sorrow and pain is felt in this sad…but so tender, write.

  4. The villanelle lends itself beautifully to sadness and mourning. I particularly like the way you have played with line length and meter to fulfil Sam’s formal free verse brief! 🙂

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